Me, Myself, and your Mom.

I can never do enough for anyone.
Not even myself.
I’m hurting on the inside.
It’s starting to come out.
I just need alone time.
To work myself out.
I need to feel the pain physically.
I need to get it out.
I’m dying on the inside.
It’s hurting my heart.
I feel like a nobody.
I need a brand new start.
I need to wipe these tears.
I need to get off the floor.
I need to be a woman.
And stop hurting myself more.
I can’t.
It’s to much.
I’m not enough for anyone.
Not even myself.
Why aren’t I dead yet.
Why am I even here.
I wish I was someone else.
Someone happy about them self.
But all I want to do is cry.
And bleed out this pain inside of me.
I’m sick of who I am.
I’m scared of who I’ll be.
I wish I wasn’t here.
I wish I wasn’t me.
I wish I could fix all that I’ve done.
I wish I could take back anything I’ve said.
I wish I could be gone.
And not hurt anyone else.
I wish I was strong.
I wish I was someone else.
I wish I was happy.
I wish I was dead.
So I don’t ruin more lives.
By being myself.
I wish I could pick myself up off the floor.
I wish I wasn’t weak.
I wish I would stop wishing.
And these things fall in place.

I hope you choke in your sleep you Nasty cunt. I hope when I’m gone you feel the pain I’ve felt for 16 years. Your a nasty piece of shit. Your a horrible person, parent, and friend to anyone. You use people for all they’ve got and you fucked over my dad. How dare you? I hate you. You mean nothing to me. When I’m old enough to leave, you won’t ever see my face again. Your a fucked up individual who needs to fix themselves before they fuck with anyone else. Your a sleazy whore and deserve to rot in a whole. You use people so much, I don’t see why anyone likes you. Because they don’t know the real you, they haven’t had to deal with your bull shit for 16 years. I feel bad for my dad having to deal with it for 26. Go choke on another cock and die. I’m sick of your bull shit.

Because I don’t have anyone I know on my tumblr I’m going to vent on here. I’m sick of arguing with him. I’m sick of him complaining about me doing shit or my friends being bad. If they were so fucking bad, I wouldn’t be friends with them. I just wish he would stfu sometimes and be happy I actually have friends that like to have fun. Their not perfect but neither is he. Im sick of fighting for no fucking reason. It’s fucking pointless. All it does is pisses us off even more and makes me want to end it, but I could never do that so I always try to think about the good in our relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t lose him but I’m not gonna fight with him over shit that doesn’t matter or concern him. And it always seems like hes trying to give me a guilt trip or make me feel bad after an argument. I feel like I cry everyday now because of stupid fucking fights. I know it’s not always his fault but when it is, it’s pointless. Let me have fun in life with my friends. Stop trying to control me or make me feel like a total fuck up all the fucking time. I’m sick of it all. I’m just done fighting with you. How many times do I have to say I’m tired of fighting with you? Do you not get it that your breaking my heart?! I’m hurting. I want to hurt myself when you make me feel like I’ve done something wrong and you keep bugging and picking on me about it. Then you try to say sorry after you have completely made me feel like shit?? It hurts. The one I love the most hurts me the worst and I’m sick of it. I hope you read this and cry. I hope you read this and realize how much pain you put me in. I love you more than life itself. Why can you never be happy with me?

If we stay together forever, which I hope we do, will you look at me the same and still say I’m the most beautiful, sexy, attractive woman you’ve ever seen? Even when I’m old, saggy, and wrinkly? Would you look deep into my eyes and tell me you love me just as much as you do now? Would you caress me and rub my hair when were older and balding together? Would you still want me to put sexy outfits on for you and dance around the room half naked? Would you still want to touch me? Would you still have dirty thoughts about me when your alone and in the mood? Would you still daydream about coming home to me later that night to make sweet passionate love to me? Will I always be your Juliet and you always stay my Romeo?

If I were to die right now on the spot, I think I would be okay with it because my one and only dream has came true. I’m in love. There’s no doubt about it. He has stolen my heart, replaced it with his, and repaired mine for his safe keeping. I’m so blessed and grateful for such an angel to come waltzing in my life and I take granted of him. He is so good to me and I feel like I’m not doing enough. He has satisfied my every need, want, and desire. I’m young, but I know there’s nothing more I want in this world to be his and stay his for the rest of my existence. There’s not much you can say about someone like him because he leaves me speechless. I’m in awe with his every move, every detail, every look, every touch; everything about him. He completes me more than any puzzle piece known to man. I could go on for years talking about him, how absolutely fantastic he is, but I’m going to stop here. I don’t want to make you fall in love with him, too. ^_^ Michael River Ash, this is for you baby. I love you.

You seem so sad,
but look so beautiful.
Don’t let the tears flow doll,
you’ll ruin your makeup.
You always frown,
but it suits your look.
Your a sad one doll,
but your beautiful.

Don’t be waiting at my door. You and your bull shit ain’t welcome here no more. You practically kicked me in the face when you called me a whore. Is that why you and all your girls were always fucked up on my floor? Your a sick minded freak, that rubbed off on me. But I took a bath, and rid my self of your stink.

For who all follow me, follow you. So many faces and names. Memorization is the game. Love has no warning, so I find you alone.

Never been so damn happy in my life. So amazing with him by my side. He holds me tight and shows he cares just by the way he rubs my hair. He’s my other half, my missing puzzle piece. I would do anything for him, even if it was bad for me. He would never have me hurt or sad, he’s to loving and caring to do some crazy bull shit like that. I love you Micheal River Ash more than anyone or anything in this world. 9.13.2k11 baby. Forever and always.

For as much as I fought for you?
And you try to beat me still?

Oh how I love my Wheat Thins<3

There’s a cigarette in the hand of my new angel, blowing smoke in the shape of halos.